LOW INTEREST RATES WITH HIGH RETURNS
By Sam Jones
Broadcasted live June 19 2016
Emanating from Las Vegas, Nevada
Cole, Bryon Saxton, John “Bradshaw”Layfield
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP- THE NEW DAY (C) vs. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON vs. ENZO AMORE & COLIN CASSIDY vs. THE VAUDEVILLAINS
BARON CORBIN vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER
CHARLOTTE & DANA BROOKE vs. BECKY LYNCH & NATALYA
SHEAMUS vs. APOLLO CREWS
AJ STYLES VS. JOHN CENA
MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH- DEAN AMBROSE vs. SAMI ZAYN vs. KEVIN OWENS vs. CHRIS JERICHO vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. CESARO
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP- RUSEV (C) vs. TITUS O’NEIL
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP- ROMAN REIGNS (C) vs. SETH ROLLINS
HOT SPOILER WARNING, YO: SHIT GON’ GIT SPOILED
Well, it’s that time of the year again: the event wherein we determine who’s gonna turn the WWE World Heavyweight Championship into the modern-day equivalent of the 24/7 Hardcore Championship, better known by its official title, Money in the Bank.
Going into this particular show, I had very little in the way of expectations: even though this was a stacked card on paper, few matches on the card felt like they had any truly significant build to them, and for me personally, the predictability of all the matches meant that I was fairly indifferent to this one: I was expecting an unremarkable, pretty predictable show. Interestingly, I was both very right and very wrong.
On the whole, Money in the Bank 2016 Edition turned out to be something of a mixed bag, especially on the wrestling side of the equation: while there were some real snoozer matches, there were great matches in equal or greater offerings: the signature Money in the Bank Ladder Match was particularly entertaining, which is no surprise, given the caliber of talent populating it. Cena v Styles, while not anywhere near the caliber of the matches Cena had with Owens last year, was nevertheless a strong bout spoiled only by the somewhat unnecessary screwy finish. That being said, however, those matches that did fall short of the mark fell and fell hard: Ziggler and Corbin, despite the effort those two put out, bombed hard with the crowd, who quickly tired of the match, despite Ziggler and Corbin putting in a lot of effort. The women’s tag match was also fairly nondescript, capped off by a slightly baffling heel turn by Natalya, that came off as happening for little reason other than “why not?” Even the Tag Title Match, entertaining though it was, was surprisingly sloppy, given the talent involved, with perhaps one too many botches than you can really get away with. Crews and Sheamus’ clash, while far better received than the Corbin/Ziggler bout, wasn’t exactly remarkable, and the exact same could be said about the US title match, which came off as more an apology to Titus for the dumbfuckery that was his suspension earlier this year than a meaningful match.
Now, you may have noticed that, up to this point, I’ve made no mention at all of the World title match: well, strap in folks, because there’s so many strange things about this match that I deemed it necessary to give it its own section. Let’s start with the build-up to this thing first: Seth Rollins, since returning from his 7 month recovery from injury, is supposedly the same heel he was when he left: however, WWE has oddly decided to highlight his impressive and admirable recovery from injury in such a way that it makes Seth look very sympathetic, for reasons we may truly never understand. This sympathy only extended into this match when the first half of it consisted of Seth getting his ass thoroughly beaten by Roman, who during all of this was acting extremely heelish, making Seth in comparison seem like the embattled baby face fighting against the odds: I remind you at this point that Seth is the heel here. But wait, things get weirder, because at some point in this match, Roman attempts to spear Seth through the barricade at ringside, only for Seth to avoid destruction narrowly, resulting in Roman careening straight through the barricade: at which point, medical staff come to tend to him. Despite acting like a complete heel up to this point, Roman wards them off in a very baby face fashion, allowing the match to continue. At this point, after some more back-and-forth, Seth actually wins, beating Reigns clean as a sheet. The victory is short-lived however, because Dean Ambrose emerges, having won Money in the Bank earlier in the night, and cashes in on the exhausted new champ who heroically battled back from a horrible injury to reclaim the championship he never lost to become the new new World Heavyweight Champion.
So in summary, the one heel in this equation was completely sympathetic and heroic while the two faces were complete assholes. What?
Anyway, the reason I felt the need to have that whole tangent in this review was because this was actually exactly what I predicted to happen: well, sort of, but pretty damn close. I made this prediction because I thought it would be the smart thing to do, and yet somehow, despite it actually coming true, it all unfolded in such a bizarre way that I almost don’t even know how to feel about it. I guess the closest accurate description I could use is “Baffled, yet oddly satisfied”, and that doesn’t even make any sense. Screw it, I’m just gonna go to the Final Verdict-
This was a truly bizarre show: in many ways, it wasn’t a particularly good show, with may matches that came off as filler and were severely underwhelming in what they offered; at the same time, however, there was some really entertaining stuff on offer here and the completely baffling and surreal booking and psychology of the main event was oddly compelling, for as little sense as it made. I have absolutely no clue if I would actually recommend this show or not: at the very least its worth it for the ladder match and the main event, which were both very entertaining, and to a lesser extent Cena v Styles.
So, I guess that’s a recommendation? I dunno guys, I think I need to go lie down for a while…